The Romance Thread
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SAOL
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 2:37 pm    Post subject:

Harkimo wrote:
*sniff* Is that sexism I feel? lol
Nah, it's a mere statement of fact. Call Hollywood and ask: I promise they will tell you the primary target audience of romantic films is the gender with the smaller genome.

It's not that you have to be equipped with lumps of fat on your chest to enjoy them, it's just that they are made to target that demographic. But indeed: it can be nice to crawl down under a warm blanket in the couch, watch a romantic film and eat way to much chocolate whilst slowly crying at the feeling of loneliness your best friend and his girlfriend instilled in you by holding hands when you were on the subway together. Sad

Not that I would know.

Ca Putt wrote:
Sweden does sound like a good place indeed
In a very un-Swedish way the boys and girls had gym separately (because we had a pretty small room for it). In most classes it resulted in a 50/50 split, but not in ours. There was always one or two guys missing, so we were rarely more than 6. 1 was the bottom record, I think. The result was that we couldn't do a lot of the things we were supposed to, so we just ended up playing a lot of badminton.

Also, only 6 people in that class had parents who both were born in Sweden. There were no couples ever.
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:07 pm    Post subject:

Hohoho, SAOL! You never cease to amaze me.

We never had split gym classes. However, there is a school in Stockholm which has a gender-neutral dressing room as well as the regular ones, if that adds to the discussion.
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:17 pm    Post subject:

Harkimo wrote:
Hohoho, SAOL! You never cease to amaze me.
What is it this time?

Quote:
We never had split gym classes. However, there is a school in Stockholm which has a gender-neutral dressing room as well as the regular ones, if that adds to the discussion.
For those who feel that they don't identify with either gender, yes. Though, my guess is that a certain percentage of the users are very aware of their own gender.

I wonder how much of a problem it really is for those who actually have some gender anomaly though to change with their "physical gender". I don't know as I'm not, but I suspect that you, as with everything, would get used to it.

I remember I read some comments when the US military were to allow openly homosexual people in the army. A lot of them were along the lines of "what about the showers, what about the changing rooms". And, I mean. We've all probably been in the showers with homosexuals. Without noticing. And, as men especially have a difficult to hide tell-tell sign of arousal, without them caring particularly. Because they are used to it. The same goes for heterosexual men and women changing together: if it was the norm no one would care. As it's not, it appears either terrifying or thrilling, depending on your disposition.

But honestly, what's really so interesting about naked bodies? Women have sort of a meaty crevice between their legs accompanied by fat-lumps on their chest, men have some glandular tissue in a skin sack and a sort of blood sponge dangling at the groin. Terribly exciting. Terribly romantic. Neutral
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:11 am    Post subject:

Considering the practices of (some) ancient cultures, the historical record would suggest that gays make superior warriors. Wink

So I've rediscovered my feelings for Mallory, despite my disdain for feminist/liberalized women. We sit at the same table at lunch, and she has said how she enjoys my company... one day there were too few seats, so I offered to move to a different table. She encouraged me not too. Gave me that warm, contented feeling.

If that sounds pathetic, I agree. lol
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Ca Putt
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 1:16 am    Post subject:

Quote:
Considering the practices of (some) ancient cultures, the historical record would suggest that gays make superior warriors.
probably because they can look forward to ... one of the more heinous parts of looting... not only when sieging but also when fighting field battles Mr. Green

ah, it's those times when old feelings surface again... as long as you get content out of it it's probably ok. Just don't get attached. ... Do NOT get attached!
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:19 pm    Post subject:

That's the worst part about being a hopeless romantic. Sort of. lol
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 9:28 pm    Post subject:

Well Wash, you never know. Wink * Maybe it's time to dust off the saxophone and play that serenade.**

Ca Putt wrote:

ah, it's those times when old feelings surface again... as long as you get content out of it it's probably ok. Just don't get attached. ... Do NOT get attached!
Sounds like somebody got burned lol

* Actually, that's obviously not true.

** Also, don't do that.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 5:02 am    Post subject:

Oh my, it's that time of year again already. lol So, today I made my second attempt to open my heart (actually, to get a girl's number, which is more or less the same thing). But it was easier because she was several states away. Rolling Eyes

See, I was at a summer college program (if you don't have those, think of it as boarding school with college classes) in Mississippi and developed somewhat of a crush on a nice Filipina girl in my European History class. Aside from just brief conversations (of the "So how are you doing in class..." variety) we had dinner together and swam at a pool together, but both of those were just incidental cases and in larger groups.

Anyways, I found it very regrettable that I had only really gotten a chance to "hang out" with her on the last day I was there. Kind of got just enough of a "taste" to want more. Of course, she lives in an entirely different state, but I realized that I could communicate with her through an app that the University of Mississippi made us download (they had disbanded their group chat, but individual contacts remained).

Still, I had some reservations. Firstly, there was my regular unwillingness to approach; in short, when I am approached it feels like leisure, but when I approach other people it feels like work. Secondly, I was afraid she might be offended that I had contacted her without her express permission. Now, I hadn't done any snooping or stalking to contact her, nor had I deliberately avoided asking her in person (it was an afterthought of mine, past the point when I could have asked her face-to-face), but that doesn't mean that her perceptions would be so benign.

What I did end up saying was:
Quote:
Hope you made it home safely. I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed having you as a classmate, and (although we never talked much at Ole Miss) if you ever want to catch up, my number is 931-337-7848. Enjoy the rest of your summer. Smile


After texting her I felt a combination of both the expected anxiety and, strangely, shame. I wasn't expecting any response, but I did receive one (as I was writing this post).
Quote:
Thanks Jacob! I had a good time getting to know you too! You too - enjoy that wonderful Tennessee weather. Smile


I really must spend some time thinking on that, but I'm pleased that she didn't directly shoot me down or leave me hanging. That's a big part of why I like her in the first place. Many girls probably don't even think about me, when I see them in public I read a sense of disgust or disregard on their faces. You know, hot chicks who you may ask a question, and they act like they didn't hear you. She's friendly.

All of this leads into a more general point of my frustration. It seems that I have no platonic female friends, and at the same time any girl which I become fond of will soon grab my romantic/sexual interest. These two factors feed off of each other, creating a cycle of social misery.

It seems to me that most boys learn to be at ease around women by associating with them. By seeing them as regular humans, rather than a special class, they separate any fear of awkwardness that would prohibit them from making approaches on the few they like. As such, they go on to become charismatic, attractive men who can keep a good number of both platonic and romantic female friends.

On the other hand, a basket case like me comes to be desperate. We start out happy. I was happy and social when I was little. But because of _____, we stay away from girls, and fail to make friends of them. Then, we fail to learn the skills to attract them as mates. This isn't a problem at, say, 14, but as more and more years go by, and more and more of our peers gain success, the situation seems desperate. This leads us to actively searching for a romantic/sexual object, and due to the downward-spiraling self-esteem this eventually means any girl who will even smile when she talks to you.

And we are supposed to simply get over it, when society is constantly bombarding us with images of sex? One of my fears is that the same cultural values I believe in may sabotage my own goal, that of founding a traditional family. Dating seems to mainly be a distraction, but I fear that if I do not date then I will be left behind in the race to find a marriageable woman. Abstinence seems very wise and ultimately more satisfying, but I suspect that if I continue to turn my sexuality inwards, I may become a broken pervert.

Sometimes my frustration manifests itself in the form of predatory fantasy, though I think that it may be a case of me subconsciously conforming to a role I have invented for myself. I won't go into any more detail on that subject.

So I don't want a girl for the fun or emotional attachment just so much as so that I can get over my distress and enjoy the company of 50% of the population without that thundercloud hanging over my head.

Sorry if I'm too much a downer or talk too much about myself, it's just much easier to discuss it here than it is with, you know, my mother or father.

EDIT = There is some good news, though. Over the course of this summer I had gotten into weight lifting again and, unlike my previous attempts, stuck with it. By now it's part of my daily routine and I look forward to sessions. I don't know as my body has actually changed much in shape (though I have, obviously, gotten stronger), but my self-image has changed. Rather than viewing myself as, say, Fat Bastard, I tend to see myself as being more large and powerful.

And one thing I will not do is bother Miss Philippines with unsolicited messages. I've read complaints by women regarding nerds stalking them, and wouldn't want to fall into that category of nuisance.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:07 pm    Post subject:

Be careful though, you know what they say: You don't go writing hot cheques down in Mississippi. lol

That reminds me, though, I've got to get back to going to the gym. Ugh.

Nice to see you back again, either way.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 7:17 pm    Post subject:

As Harkimo said: nice to see you again Smile

I suppose such an encounter would be easier to handle in the sense that you somehow have 'less to lose' if you're rejected in that you'll probably never see each other again. Confused

In any case I think it is silly to worry about not being able to find "a marriageable women". You can find your comfort in mathematics and statistics. Women aren't hens sitting around waiting to be attracted and then taken forever by the first charmer. It's not a race.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:29 am    Post subject:

Thanks for the warm reception. And having thought on her response, I think the fact that she didn't say anything about the number indicates a tacit rejection. I'm okay with that; the whole business was quite unnatural.

What do y'all think about giving out your own number, instead of asking the girl for hers? In this case I found it to simply be pragmatic and natural, but as a broader rule I've heard both support for and criticism against it. I really find any kind of PUA stuff tiresome, though.

Harkimo
Thankfully I've got my own weight set, so I can just saunter < ten meters or so and blast oldies while I work out. So are you the kind to exercise every once in a while? I can't imagine that being of much use. I try to go every other day.

SAOL
Well, long-term relationships are possible, but it was really just a matter of me wanting to get some practice on somebody I wouldn't have to deal with every day. You may be right about the wife thing. If a fellow were to search far enough he could definitely find one, regardless of how horrible he may be, but the same can be said of jobs; yet, the unemployment rate stays high because people won't compromise on some things.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:57 am    Post subject:

Don't be so obsessed with flaws. Everyone has flaws. Falling in love makes you overlook those flaws (actual science) and eventually you'll learn how to cope with them. The idea of the "perfect" partner is only that: an idea.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:24 pm    Post subject:

You know, SAOL, that actual science bit was probably superfluous. You'd never say anything unsupported by facts Razz

I wouldn't put too much weight on her not giving you her number, she has yours, so if she wants to contact you, she can! No probs. Besides, who uses SMS these days anyway? It's all internet.

On the exercise topic, I try to go running or to the gym at least three times a week. The thing is it's been so bloody warm lately, so I can't run, and when I got back from my language trip to Germoney, I got a cold - so I couldn't go to the gym. After that, I just haven't gotten around to doing it again.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 6:14 pm    Post subject:

Harkimo wrote:
You know, SAOL, that actual science bit was probably superfluous. You'd never say anything unsupported by facts
Bananas are blue!

Hihihihihihi. I'm so naughty Devil

Quote:
On the exercise topic, I try to go running or to the gym at least three times a week. The thing is it's been so bloody warm lately, so I can't run, and when I got back from my language trip to Germoney, I got a cold - so I couldn't go to the gym. After that, I just haven't gotten around to doing it again.
Don't feel bad about it. I used to do a morning/evening routine and a long fast walk every day. Then I ate medicine for almost a year that prevented me from doing so because of the side effects. I still haven't gotten back to my usual routine, and it's been... quite a number of months? lol I'm grasping for excuses now.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:12 pm    Post subject:

Eh, I hope I'll get back to it once we get to our cabin on Gotland. A great place to improve your habits - no internet or TV makes for early nights and mornings, which in turn allows you to take a jog every other day before biking to the Baltic to take a dip.
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:57 am    Post subject:

Enjoy your stay.

Just beware of the seabirds! They're scary. And dangerous. Sad

And not in the least as romantic as the songbirds chirping in the trees.
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